Grandpa's Zingers

Grandpa Hansen says some funny one-liners - it's too bad we can't remember them all but if one comes to mind, here's the place to put them:

• "How was your night Grandpa?" "Well, I was trying to keep track but I fell asleep on the job."
• "If you ask a dumb question, you're gonna get a dumb answer."
• "Hey Grandpa, how's it going?" "It goes when I push it."
• When he's slow movin....he says, "I'm comin'. I'm comin'...and so is Christmas!" 
• Cameron said to him one day, “well Grandpa, shuffle over here” and he said, “hey now, I’ve earned that shuffle! 
• How you doing grandpa?  "Well I've got a difficult job - I'm balancing the room"
• The other morning he said, “well . . .” and then trailed off as people do and then said, “you know I was always told that when an old person says 'well . . .' it’s a pretty deep thought."
• The other night at dinner when we were talking about how the church is particular about putting certain types of tape on walls, chalk boards, etc JaNae was trying to explain why when Grandpa cut in with, “well it’s because the tape is manufactured by the Catholics.”
• Grandpa: If you want a laugh, just follow me around
  Julie: I'm going to write that one down
  Grandpa: Don't worry, there's more coming
• While JaNae and Julie were engaged in conversation, Grandpa came strolling by, raised his hand and said, "OK Jewels are you finished? Now JaNae, you finish. And now my turn . . . Damn! I forgot what I was going to say!"
• If someone asks something like, "Is today Tuesday?" Grandpas usual replay is "all day!"
• "It's good to see you, Dad" "It's good to be seen.  At my age - it's good to be anywhere."
• At the doctors office a woman asked if she could sit down next to grandpa.  He replied, "I'll try to control myself this time."
• As they were walking back to see the doctor the nurse asked, "How are you doing this morning, Mr.  Hansen?"  He replied, "I don't know yet, I haven't seen the doctor."
• In the winter Julie looked outside and said,  "looks a little chilly out there." "Chile today and hot tamale," grandpa retorted with a wink.
• At Christmas time out of nowhere Grandpa started singing "shingle nails" [anyone else remember how this goes?]
• What's today "Wednesday . . . unless it rains." Then what day is it? "A rainy day"
• After dinner when asking if we can clear his plate he usually replies, "certainly.  My the service here is tremendous!"
• One morning Grandpa asked Shellee: "Do you have any wallpapering jobs lined up for me this morning?" Shellee said, "nope.  You don't hang wallpaper anymore, Dad, you're nearly 90 years old! Why in the world would you want to do that?" Grandpa rubbed his thumb, pointer and index fingers together and in a near whisper said, "MONEY!"
• Grandpa had been staying at JaNae's and then Shellee came to pick him up.  We explained that he'd be going with Shellee and when he was a little confused we just said, you're so popular we all want to share you.  He said, "I'm more popular than I've ever been.  Maybe I outta go out while I'm at the top."
• There was a rainstorm one day with lots of lightening and thunder.  One particularly loud clap of thunder woke grandpa from his nap.  Shellee mentioned that there seemed to be lots of thunder and without a thought Grandpa said, "Let it rip and let it roar, I'll just sit here and snore."  Shellee said, "wow, dad, where did you hear that?" Grandpa said he just made it up - pretty good for a 90 year-old-man who just woke up!
• The night before Grandpa's 90th Birthday Bash, alluding to the video we were making for him, Julie said, "Tomorrow night we've got a big surprise for you!" Grandpa smiled and said, "Well, I really like Buicks!"
• Grandpa was micromanaging his great-grandsons, Stephen and Lincoln, as they ate their dinner.  If there spoons stopped he'd prod them with "ok, you kids, keep eating" "your mouth should be chewing not talking." "come on now, you eat your dinner."  Stephen turned to him and said, Grandpa when you were a little boy what kind of choices did you make?  Bad choices, good choices, or funny choices?  Grandpa said, "I made good choices because I wanted to help my mother."  Stephen said, "did your mother ask you to eat with good manners?  Because my mother asks me to eat with good manners and so I do it most of the time."  Grandpa replied, "why don't you just eat your dinner."
• When seeing Julie's son Alexander he usually comments, "he's too cute to be a boy."
• Grandpa was sitting really quietly while Kenn, JaNae, DeLynn and Shellee chatted and they asked if he was doing alright.  He said he was just listening and then added, "If somebody's a talker, someone's gotta be a listener!"
• When one of the great grandkids complained, "I'm thirsty" Grandpa replied, "then I'm Friday" (pronounced Fri-dee).
  
  
   

Grandpa Hansen's Christmas Talk

A week before Christmas I was called by the bishopric to give the address for our Christmas program put on by our ward Choir.  Anyone who knows me understands that this is a weakness I’ve carried all my life.  I don’t mind giving talks, it’s the preparing that’s the problem.  After much time on my knees the spirit began to come to my aid.  One morning I told LeLa that I had a very interesting dream.  I dreamt that I had given my talk to primary children with the aid of two hand puppets.  We both got a laugh out of that and immediately shrugged it off.  The next morning the dream came again.  This time I said nothing but began to ponder; could this be possible?  In time, thoughts started to form; things started to come together.  About two months previous to this, I was reading one of my favorite books, Christ and the New Covenant, by Elder Jeffery R. Holland.  I came to a section where he paraphrased the scripture found in Mormon 9:12-13.  For some reason I kept going back to it until I soon had it memorized:

By Adam came the fall of man.  And because of the fall of man came Jesus Christ . . .; and because of Jesus Christ came the redemption of man.  And because of the redemption of man, . . . they are brought back into the presence of the Lord.

Two weeks prior in our temple prayer meeting, a member of the temple presidency was giving their usual spiritual message and he told how it would feel if we were to touch the hand of Jesus.  He asked us all to take our hand and rub it over the top with the other, which we all did.  He said this is exactly how it would feel.  With these two more recent bits of knowledge the spirit now had come to my aid.  I had not done any research to this point.  I hadn’t even opened up the scriptures.  There was no need.  Everything I needed was in my mind.  Now all I had to do was make the puppets which I did and then I practiced.  I knew this was what the children of my ward needed, because it was going to be simple enough for them to understand the atonement of Jesus Christ.

After I had given my talk and the meeting was over I had many people come up and said it was presented so good, differently than they had ever heard.  During the remaining meetings I had comments.  Even the next Sunday I still had comments.  I take no credit.  The sprit had come to my aid.  Many others of you have had this same experience but this time it was my turn.

Gordan Hansen

Christmas 2004

What do you want to be when you grow up?

 One day I asked Grandma to think back when she was young - how would she have answered the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?"  

I would have said both a receptionist or secretary and a wife and mother. When in Junior High after working on the farm for quite a while, Dad asked whether I wanted a bicycle or a typewriter.  It was one of the hardest decisions of my life at that time.  I really wanted a bike to ride, but I also wanted a typewriter.  I chose the typewriter so Cleo got the bike.  Luckily she was quite generous with the bike.  I was generous with the typewriter, but she didn’t care to much about it.

In high school I got straight A’s in Typing class.  I really loved that class.  After I graduated the war was on and so I decided to get a job.  They were hiring down at Camp Williams Army Base.  To be considered for the positions you had to take Civil Service Exam.  Most people took this test while in college, but since I didn’t go to college I just went right down to the base and took the exam there.  I passed and was hired by the Quartermaster and was put in charge of all the officer’s clothing and everything that the men would need to buy, nothing was issued to them at this point in the war.  

I sat across the desk from a nice blond officer who smoked.  I worked there for about two years.  They decided to close Camp Williams when the war began to escalate.  I stayed on to help close out the books and then had to look for another job.  At that point the steel plant was in production to help with the war. I was hired and was the only woman in the entire building.  I was a secretary in the maintenance building for the foreman.  And then that building filled up with girls in offices.   

When the war started ending, more and more girls went on to find other work and that left me once again to close up the books.  I was then transferred to Columbia Steel where they were closing out all the records there.  After that building closed, I was transferred to the main administration building for the steel plant that had since changed it’s name to Geneva Steel when the war was over.  I was asked to be the receptionist at the main entrance.   

About that time I met and got engaged to Gordon and told them I’d be leaving.  My boss said, “Oh you just go on your honeymoon and then come back.”  I kept trying to tell him that we decided that I wouldn’t work once I was married.  He was quite disappointed and even offered a few months off for my honeymoon but then when he realized I was serious he just wrote in large red letters across my file “WILL HIRE AT ANY TIME” but I never went back to work there because I was married and then became a mother.  So I got to do exactly what I always wanted to do in both areas.

Grandpa's Chair

When I was a young boy (12 or 13 years old), we were very poor.  It was during the Great Depression and my father had recently lost his farm.  We had to move into a tiny one-bedroom stone house.  My three sisters slept in the kitchen and my little brother Russell and I slept on a fold-out couch in the living room during the cold months.  But as soon as it warmed up, he and I slept outside under the cherry tree. 

 At Christmas time I was just like any other boy my age wishing to receive something fun like a bicycle.  On Christmas morning I woke up and ran in to see what present was waiting for me.  My parents had spent more on my gift than any of my siblings.  But what I received shocked and disappointed me.  While my brothers and sisters opened the present they had hoped for, I received a chair.  Our family needed a chair and my parents worked very hard and sacrificed to buy that chair and then gave it to me as the oldest son.  I was so disappointed, but I didn’t say a word.  Grandma Ida said later, “His look of disappointment broke my heart, but he never complained.  I told myself that someday I would try to make it up to him.” 

 

Years later when my oldest daughter, JaNae, was a mother with teenagers, she asked me if she could have the chair.  I remember saying, “Oh, why would you want that old chair?  That just reminds me of one of the saddest times of my life.”  She explained that she wanted it to remind her children that they should be very grateful for everything they receive, just like I had to learn to be about that chair. 

I used to keep the chair in storage so I wouldn’t have to remember that sad Christmas.  But now that chair sits prominently in JaNae’s house as a reminder to everyone who sees it.  When I told this story at JaNae’s family Christmas gathering,  I invited everyone to sometime sit in the chair and think about being grateful for what they have.  My youngest namesake, Gordon Earl said, “I want to sit in it now.”   Then other children followed and then came adults each having their picture taken in the chair with me.

The cushion has worn out and been removed but the chair hasn’t changed much beyond that.  Today, even though times are hard and we’re in the middle of a financial recession, we still live in a land of plenty.  Unfortunately, in times like these, it’s very easy to become selfish and wish we had things we can’t afford and even become bitter about it.  My Christmas wish for you as my posterity this year is to be grateful for all you have.  For you have a great family and you have the true gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Love,

Grandpa Hansen

Grandpa Hansen's Testimony

(Written for the Cascade Ward High Priest Book of Testimony)

My name is Gordon Emil Hansen.  I have lived a great many years here upon this earth and have seen many things.  New inventions and great progress has been made during my lifetime.  I shake my head in wonder to think of it all.  And through all this change, one thing stays constant: my testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.   I know the gospel to be true.  I find it a privilege to be a member of God’s church here on the earth.  I know that he has led and guided me.   

As I look back on my life, I have found it difficult to recall specific times that would be termed “spiritual experiences.”  Our family has always been blessed with the things they needed.  We have found happiness as we have lived the commandments.  My life and the lives of family members have been spared on various occasions. We know for a surety that the Lord watches over us.  But because of His quiet and constant care, my life’s experiences do not necessarily come with all the fanfare or miraculous surroundings that create a memorable spiritual experience. 

I know that a prophet leads and guides this church under the direction of Jesus Christ.  Most of us never get to come in contact with the prophet any more because the church is so large.  When I was a boy, the church was small enough that the prophet would attend our stake conferences.  As a young man I had become involved in the Boy Scouts of America Program.  I went further than any of my friends or other boys in my ward.  No one really encouraged me, but I thought it was important.  When I was about 15 or 16 years old, President Heber J. Grant came down from Salt Lake City and presided over our stake conference.  The Scouting Program was near to his heart and he pushed it hard whenever he could.  He wanted to encourage young men to become involved in the Scouting Program because he knew it would give them good practical skills, confidence and self mastery.  To encourage the young men in our stake to become scouts he asked the stake president to choose a young man from the stake who was a Boy Scout to come up and sit on the stand with all the leaders of the stake and those visiting from the General Presidency and auxiliaries.  The Stake President asked that I come and sit on the stand.  It was an impressionable experience for me.   It was the first time I had ever been that close to the Prophet of the Lord.   It was a great honor because I knew that this man talked with God and was chosen by God to lead our church. There was no doubt in my mind, even at that young age, that he was the prophet of the Lord. 

I have a testimony of the Law of tithing and of Sacrifice.  I know that the Lord opens the windows of heaven when we obey this commandment.  I chose teaching as my occupation, I taught 6th grade and I loved it.  Now, we all know that school teachers don’t make much money.   And even with our small income we were able to raise 4 children with testimonies of the true church.  Most of them went on to college and all of them married in the Temple to good spouses.  This is because we paid our tithing.  I have always believed in doing what the Lord asks us to do, even if it seems impossible.  Our family was never very rich and sometimes we didn’t always have the nicest things.  But the Lord took care of us. 

I believe the Lord helps us help ourselves.  He helped me see how I could supplement our income by painting and wallpapering houses at night.  This was difficult but I believe he gave me the energy and stamina to work two jobs.  Near to Christmas I was asked by a wealthy man to come and do some painting in his home.  It was just what we needed so we could have the money to give a decent Christmas to our young family.  I worked hard on that home and it looked good with a fresh coat of paint.  But I found that the doors looked dingy, they needed another coat of varnish.  It didn’t seem so at the beginning but next to all that new paint they paled in comparison.  I asked the man if he would be interested in having me varnish all of his woodwork.  He agreed that it would be good.  I purchased all the supplies and worked hard to get it done.  When the job was complete the man said that he would pay me for what we agreed on at the beginning.  But he would not pay me for any of the varnishing because it wasn’t what we agreed upon at the very beginning when I contracted to do the job.   This despite the fact that he had agreed for me to do it verbally and he knew I had purchased all the supplies with my own money. 

My wife and I were so disappointed.  We knew that no one would be hiring me to do any more work with Christmas so close.  No one would want their house torn up during the holidays. Soon after I returned home with my small earnings, someone from the church came to collect our building fund donation.  At that time we were trying to build a new ward building.  Everyone had worked on it. My wife had painted and I had varnished all the woodwork in the Relief Society Room. To help cover the building cost each family in the ward was asked to donate approximately one-thousand dollars to the building fund which we did in installments.  Men from the Elder’s Quorum were asked to go and collect the donations from the members and here they were at my house.  Where was I to get the money for the building fund?  I opened my wallet and took out the amount I had just earned which we were going to use for our children’s Christmas and all the other living expenses our family had—all the money in my wallet.  I gave it to the men and my wife and I prayed that we would somehow make it through. 

The next morning, bright and early, we received a phone call.  Someone wanted me to come and work on their house.  We never dreamed anyone would call so close to Christmas.  Here was the job that would bring the money we desperately needed.  The Lord always takes care of those who give him all that he requires. 

I have a testimony of service.  I know that the Lord desires that his children love and serve one another.  Sometimes it is difficult to always know how we can serve.  I love service opportunities and I have felt very grateful that I have always had callings to work in his church.  I have never lacked for opportunities to serve.  I look at other men that go without callings and I feel badly for them.  In my prayers at night I thank the Lord for allowing me to serve him.  Right now I count it a true blessing to have three great callings in our ward and stake.  Even without a calling, I have always loved to serve.  I thank the Lord for that I have abilities to help those in need.  The Lord has always helped me find ways to serve others, to fix things and make things nicer. 

I have had the opportunity to serve in various leadership capacities.  For 14 consecutive years I served in different bishoprics as a counselor and also as the bishop of a ward.  I know it was difficult for my family to be without me for long periods of time and to sit alone at church.  But I also know that the Lord blessed my family for their sacrifices. 

Being the bishop of a college ward was a fun challenge.  We grew to love the students as we’d have them out to our home for various activities and firesides.  Most of them were far from home and needed a father to go do with problems and wanted a family atmosphere, we were happy to stand in.   

On two different occasions we had members of our ward that wanted to serve missions but just couldn’t come up with the funds to do so.  When a person wants to serve a mission and needs resources it falls on the bishop to help them find a way.  There is a sequence a bishop takes.  First you go to their parents.  In the case of these two students, either their families were not members of the church or they were very poor and could not support their child.  Next in the sequence you would check with the extended family and then the ward family.  In each instance no financial support was available.  It was very important to each of these potential missionaries that they have the opportunity to serve.  I sensed that acutely because I myself never had the opportunity to serve a mission due to WWII and I had always wanted to do so. Therefore, my wife and I pondered and prayed about it. We had already sent both of our sons on missions in earlier years.  And as I said previously we never had much money, but when we felt impressed that the Lord intended us to help and support these missionaries we knew in our hearts we would be financially stable.  Even though we struggled we felt the hand of the Lord in our lives helping us along.  We never wanted or went without.  Instead we felt our blessings overflowing.  We grew to know and love these two missionaries.  Each has gone on to lead great lives and raise good families.  Their missions help to cement their testimonies of the Gospel. 

I have a testimony of the Priesthood.  I know it is the power of God on the earth.  I feel it a privilege to hold the Melchizedek Priesthood.  I have had the privilege of being asked to give family members priesthood blessings.  It was difficult, because I worried that my speech wasn’t perfect and that my grammar might be wrong.  Speaking has never been my strongest point and so any time I am asked to speak be it a talk in sacrament meeting, teaching a lesson, giving a prayer or blessing, I have always been rather nervous.  Nervous or not, when I’m asked to, I always do it. 

One granddaughter recalled that I gave her a grandfather’s blessing before she departed for the mission field.  During the blessing I was impressed to bless her that her smile would have an effect on certain people and it would help them want to know more about the gospel.  This blessing about her smile was different; it wasn’t one of the regular things people are blessed with.  It stayed with her and would come into her mind now and then when it was difficult and smiling didn’t come easy.  There was a time when she worked with and taught a husband and wife for five months.  When she left the area the couple had yet to be baptized.  She knew the woman was ready, but didn’t want to get baptized without her husband, and he didn’t want to give up his lifestyle.  Many months later my granddaughter was transferred back into that same stake and saw the man she had taught for so long.  He had been baptized received the priesthood and had the chance to baptize his wife.  He then told my granddaughter that many times he wanted to send the missionaries away; he wanted to tell the sisters to never come back.  But the thing that had stopped him was the smile of my granddaughter.  He knew there was something behind that smile and he needed to find it.  It made him look all the harder after she was transferred out of the area.  So often we don’t find out how the blessing we give play out in the lives and salvation of others.

In my life I have always made it a point that the Church comes first and it has always come first.  My wife and I desired to live good and righteous lives so we could set good examples first for our children then for our grandchildren and now for our great-grandchildren.  I want them to know that I know that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true and is the only way to find Eternal Life.